The ultimate question of the Finals, answered

This year's Stanley Cup Finals have raised many burning questions. Between Luongo and Thomas, who is the better goalie? Who is more psychotic, Vancouver fans or Boston fans? And, most importantly, who is the sexiest player on each team?

Fortunately, the Vancouver Sun has come to our rescue for the latter question, at least as it pertains to the Canucks. Unfortunately, they got a lot wrong. Let's investigate.

The Sun ran a poll in which Vancouverites (Vancouverers? Vancouverians?) were given the opportunity to vote on which Canuck they thought was the hottest. Let's compare their top 10 to Skippy's own personal top 10. I'll run another post on Boston later this week.

 

1. Sun readers: Ryan Kesler

Skippy: Ryan Kesler

27% of Sun readers got this one right. Look at him. Look at those abs.

If any Canuck deserved an underwear ad, it's Kes.

On another note: When one Googles "ryan kesler underwear" (YES I HAVE NO SHAME), this comes up on the first page of results:

I guess the Google people just decided a whole page full of that first picture would be too much hotness and said, "What can we add in to counteract that? I know! Creepy half-naked Ovie!"

Moving on.

2. Sun readers: Kevin Bieksa

Skippy: Alex Burrows

Okay. Bieksa is kind of hot. Not in the picture the Sun posted, though:

Um, fauxhawk and giant zit thing on his chin? No thank you. No one looks hot in a fauxhawk.

Burrows, on the other hand...

He might be a tetanus-giving cannibal, but he is damn fine.

3. Sun: Dan Hamhuis

Skippy: Christian Ehrhoff

Hamhuis is cute. Ehrhoff?

I retract my earlier fauxhawk statement. That is a fauxhawk that's decent.

4. Sun: Mason Raymond

Skippy: Mason Raymond

MAY RAY!

Look at that baby face. I just want to pinch his cheeks. And other things.

5. Sun: Alex Burrows

Skippy: Tanner Glass

Since I moved Burr up to Number 2, I went looking for someone to fill in Number 5. Glass is pretty hot, in a scruffy-Canadian-lumberjack kind of a way:

Also, when the Canucks played the Blackhawks in the first round, apparently Glass got into a pissing contest with P. Kane over who had the better mullet. The answer is clearly Kaner, as he wins any contest that has to do with skeeze/white trashiness, and besides, just look.

Kaner is clearly rocking the "business in the front, party in the back" look much better than Glass, in that he looks about eight times skeevier.

6. Sun: Maxim Lapierre

Skippy: ANYONE BUT MAXIM LAPIERRE

Um, what?

Sorry, but...no. Just no. And he's a jackass, too.

Although this is pure excellence:

7. Sun: Manny Malhotra

Skippy: Manny Malhotra

Malhotra's pretty sexy:

And he's recovering from taking a puck to the eye like the total BAMF he is. Definitely makes the list.

8. Sun: Raffi Torres

Skippy: Raffi Torres

Okay. I was completely not behind this choice until I saw THIS PHOTO:

I don't exactly have a tattoo kink or anything, but I agree with that lady in the background: DAMN. Raffi, I'd get over both your stupid name and your bulging forehead veins for some of that.

9. Sun: Roberto Luongo

Skippy: Alexander Edler

I just don't like Bobby Lou, never have, probably never will. As for Edler, well, the Swedes are growing on me and look at this cutie:

I like to imagine that he's listening to Justin Bieber in this photo.

10. Sun: Tanner Glass

Skippy: Um, who's left? Tambellini? Okay, Jeff Tambellini.

Not only does he have a badass name, but he grows a fine playoff beard.

That's it for the Canucks. Coming soon: Top Ten Hottest Bruins. Just a guess-it might include Andrew Ference.