So we've learned Alex Burrows is a cannibal...

I was innocently sitting on the couch, innocently enjoying innocent Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals, when all of a sudden...

Dude, did Alex Burrows just bite Patrice Bergeron?

 

Yup.

Now, ordinarily, you would expect the referees to come down pretty hard on the fact that Burrows tried to make a snack out of Bergie's finger, especially when Bergeron waved his hand in the ref's face and you could clearly see BLOOD. How hard do you have to chomp down on someone's finger to draw blood through a hockey glove? Pretty damn hard. Either that, or Burrows sharpens his teeth with an emery board because he secretly wants to be Edward Cullen, I don't know. However.

He was penalized for the fight--as was Bergeron, incidentally--but not for going all cannibalistic on us. I'm kind of glad it happened, though, because otherwise we would have been robbed of this glorious article in the Vancouver Sun. Allow me to quote:

"It's a man's game. Get a tetanus shot, and move on."

I don't know what's funnier about that quote--the implication that Alex Burrows could give you tetanus, or the idea that it's perfectly okay to bite other players in hockey because it's what real men do. I am not a man, but I think that it's safe to say trying to bite someone's finger off is not the epitome of masculine prowess. In fact, a glove-on punch would have been less of a douche move.

The game itself was absolutely fantastic, by the way. And Tim Thomas may have let in the only goal of the game, but he was still a fucking BAMF. If Boston didn't have him they would have been blown out and everyone knew it. Luongo was, you know, okay. (I really don't like Luongo, and don't ask me why, because I'm not sure. He just bothers me).

Other high point of the game--when the play-by-play guy made a comment about someone's stick and my mother looked over at me and said, "Did he just say something about his dick?"

Yes, Mom. Yes he did.